ICE Agents Get Guns Faster Than You Can Get a Cosmetology License

The United States government will hand you a badge, a gun, and the authority to detain human beings after eight weeks of training. That's 336 hours. In Texas, you need 600 hours of supervised instruction before you're allowed to paint someone's fingernails.

In 2025, during the Trump administration's hiring surge, ICE slashed training from six months to six weeks. Some reports put it at 47 days. Forty-seven. The number was allegedly chosen because Trump is the 47th president, which is exactly the kind of detail that inspires tremendous confidence in a federal law enforcement agency.

The standard ICE training program runs 27 weeks at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Georgia. But standards are flexible when you need bodies in the field fast. The compressed timeline allows agents to complete training and deploy in less time than it takes to finish a semester of community college.

A Texas cosmetologist must complete 1,000 hours of training before touching a client's hair. Barbers need the same. Nail technicians log 600 hours before they're licensed to apply acrylic. Dog groomers at Petco complete 800 hours over 20 weeks. Paramedics require between 1,200 and 1,800 hours spanning 12 to 18 months. An ICE agent with arrest powers and a firearm completes training in eight weeks.

Real estate agents in Texas need 180 hours of education and a state license to sell houses. ICE agents need eight weeks to deploy lethal force. No license required.

Social workers, healthcare professionals, teachers, and retail workers all receive mandatory de-escalation training. A Target employee stocking shelves gets more comprehensive conflict avoidance instruction than an ICE agent carrying a weapon.

The physical fitness requirements are even more embarrassing. The deportation officer test consists of kneeling and standing repeatedly, completing 15 push-ups in two whole minutes, and stepping up and down on a block for five minutes. That's one push-up every eight seconds. In October 2025, more than a third of ICE recruits failed this test. An internal email described them as "athletically allergic candidates" who had "misrepresented their physical condition." They couldn't manage 15 push-ups in two minutes. They got guns anyway.

ICE defended the timeline by citing operational needs. The agency more than doubled its workforce in 2025, hiring roughly 12,000 employees from over 220,000 applicants. The Department of Homeland Security offered $50,000 signing bonuses, waived age limits, and granted direct hire authority to bypass competitive processes.

After eight weeks, agents receive full law enforcement powers. They conduct arrests, execute warrants, and make custody determinations. Since 2016, ICE has faced mounting allegations of misconduct. The agency reported over 1,200 allegations of sexual abuse and assault in detention facilities in 2020 alone. Criminal charges against agents have included domestic violence, assault, and fraud.

Democrats requested federal oversight of the accelerated hiring process. The DHS Inspector General launched an investigation. It remains ongoing, which means agents trained under the compressed timeline continue working while questions about their qualifications go unanswered.

Cheesecake Factory servers undergo two weeks of rigorous training before carrying a plate. One full week is spent memorizing 250-plus menu items. Trainees must pass a 400-question food test and a 125-question bar test. They must score an A. Two attempts. Fail both, you're fired. Annual recertification required.

The Cheesecake Factory will fire you for failing a menu test. ICE will hand you a gun if you can't do 15 push-ups in two minutes. One organization demands you know the difference between Chicken Madeira and Chicken Bellagio. The other just needs you to calculate body counts.

@Santitos

@salinasmariasantos

Copyright © 2026 Maria Santos Salinas for FRONTeras.